To the moon and back...

"I love you Mommy."
"I love you Parker."
"I love you to the moon and back Mommy."

How can anyone still have any worries after hearing that come out of your child's mouth.  I just love him.

Friends

This week is shaping up to be a great week.  I have only cried once ( it was over spilled milk...literally) and Parker and I have plans every day this week.  I might be overreacting, but having plans that include kids for Parker to play with and TWO new friends all in the same week is kind of amazing.

I have been so worried about meeting new people and making friends.  I am kind of quirky, sometimes random or sarcastic and often opinionated (yes, I do know this:).   Usually when I first meet someone, I become awkward and often put my foot in my mouth.  Some find it funny...others don't.  The hardest part is that right now, I am not the same person that I was six months ago (I'm still not really sure who I am or whether the old me will come back) and I'm not sure how to let people in if I am still trying to figure all of this out.   That is why I am so excited to have met a couple of people who I enjoy spending time with and don't seem to mind that my child sings "all da single yadies" on a whim.

I am so thankful for old friends, but today I am saying a new prayer of thanks for new ones!

Happy 50th Gram Gram

I am so blessed to have an amazing family who is willing to go above and beyond no matter what we need. For the last three and a half weeks, my parents have let us stay at their house until we leave for England. I know that they like having us around, but I also know that it is an adjustment for them. They have basically let us have free reign of their basement. They literally have not come down here except for once when the tornado sirens have gone off. They have endured the incessant barking of my lovable, but annoying dog, and most importantly they have respected our boundaries so we feel comfortable living in someone else's home. We are so very lucky to have them.

Last week, my mom turned 50 (I only hope that I look this good when I turn 50)! My mom is the most giving person I know. She is the definition of what it means to be a mother and I am constantly learning from her. My mom would do anything for her kids and now, Parker. One of my biggest fears about moving is that I will not be able to teach Parker everything he needs to know on my own. I am constantly amazed by something my mom or Brady's mom taught him and am petrified that I am not going to remember to do everything I need to do to help him be his best. Every day I pray that I can be as good of a mother as she is. We are so blessed to have involved grandparents and I can only hope that Skype can keep them that way!

Here are some pictures of my mom's birthday celebration. Luckily, my grandparents from Arizona (Big Dawg and Grandma) were in town to celebrate along with my Mom's mom from Udall (GiGi). I was so glad that we could all be together to celebrate!

Just for Parker

Time is going so fast...too, too fast. I feel like every day Parker does something new to completely astound me. I also feel like there is no time to enjoy it and that my memory is going to fail me. This was supposed to be what this blog was for, but as you can tell from my lack of regular postings, I am not very good at even remembering to post.

So...this post is for Parker and Mommy and Daddy. You are so amazing and we are so blessed to be your parents. Everyday we are awed by how complete you make our lives and how full you make our hearts. You are such a good baby (which I realize probably means that I am in for a doozie on the next one:), and I am so blessed to be your mommy!

Just so I don't forget here is what you are doing right now!!

You can count! Since around 13 months, you have been counting to two. Around 15 months you started counting like this..."one, twoooo, ten!" A month ago, you started counting like this, "one, twoooooo, wheeeee!" This was mainly due to the fact that on three we always said wheeee when we either picked you up or pushed or on the swing (we have since learned to count to three first and then say wheeee:). Saturday, you said, "one, twoooo, three!" Yay Parker!

New Animal Noises! From around 10 months you have been saying different animal noises. Your first was "quack quack" thanks to your yellow duck in the bathtub. Mommy and Daddy quickly learned how entertaining this was and began teaching you lots of others (cow, moo; horse, neigh; sheep, baaa; goat, maaa; goose, honk; bear or lion, roar--I really didn't know how to make them sound different...if he gets them confused when he is older, we'll all know why!) Your newest noises are turkey, gobble and perhaps my favorite; rooster...COCK-A-DOOOO!

Colors! Before you turned one (again, this would have been helpful to post about at the time because now I can't remember an exact date), we started asking you, "what color is this?" The first toy we tried this on was the yellow duck. Soon, you began to answer, "wewwo". Genius baby!!! Haha, actually, stupid parents. We soon realized that you always said yellow anytime we asked you what color something was. Hello Pavlovian dog! Recently, you have been labeling things by color..."boo shoe" "green block." We still get, "yellow" when we ask you what color, but at least I know you know your colors even if I am the idiot that taught you to say yellow.

Bieber Fever! You are an amazing singer:)! You have quite possibly the cutest impression of Justin Bieber I have ever seen. When you sing, "Bebe, bebe, bebe, ooooh" (while using your fist as a microphone) my heart just melts! You know that you can really get us laughing if you play the piano while you sing. Now, you also sing Lady Gaga (I know, I should probably adjust my radio in the morning). You sing, "rah, rah, rah, rah" (bad romance) and move your hands all at the same time. Thank you for always making us laugh; you are truly the best entertainment a mother could ask for.

Prayers! Talking about your prayers melts my heart. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I prayed for the words and actions to teach you to love God. We have always said our prayers before bed and dinner. For the last couple of months, you have begun to be able to say them on your own. With eyes shut and hands folded (and many times during silent prayer time at church), you will say "mommy, daddy, parker, puppy, AMEN!" We go through the whole family at night, but I am just glad that you can remember at least part of the prayer!

I love you so much and am so proud to be your mommy!!

This is really happening

I'm pretty sure it is 3:00 AM and I can't sleep. In three hours we are driving back to Wichita to leave for England to look for a house. Seriously?!?! This is crazy! I think that I have kind of been in denial for a long time and I think this is about to become very real in the next 24 hours.

I am also struggling with the thought of leaving Parker for 6 whole days. I have never been away from him for more than 48 hours and that seemed like an eternity. It's funny. When you know you are going to have to leave someone for an extended period of time, you try to spend as much time as possible with them like it will somehow make up for the time you are going to lose. I know I am being a little melodramatic, but how can you blame me with a face like this?

Lessons I've learned so far...

A year ago, I was ending one job to begin another...I was also almost six months pregnant. At the time, people thought I was crazy for starting a new job mid-pregnancy. I kind of was, but it was the best decision I could have made for both me and my family. It was at this time that I made an assumption about a lesson I thought would come in the future...if you are happy at work, you will be happier at home. This lesson is true. I learned a few other lessons while pregnant (ex. If you put your hand on your belly while you are trying to get something you want, you will inevitably get it:), but I have learned even more lessons now that I am a mom. These are in no particular order.

1. Hearing your child giggle can always make a bad mood better...always.
2. You will never love your husband more than when he is trying to get your son to say "mommy"
3. Your house will never again be quite as clean as you would like...ever...
4. You hope that saying that a dog's mouth is cleaner than yours is true when you catch the puppy french kissing her new little brother.
5. Sometimes parking away from the door, but close to a cart rack is worth the extra walk.
6. If you wear black, be prepared to get a white, spit-up stain on it.
7. If you wear white, be prepared to get a stain, any stain.
8. Your mom was right...doesn't really matter what you are talking about, she probably was.
9. It is ok to think that your baby is the cutest.
10.You know what is best for you and your baby. Whether it is how long to breastfeed or when to start solids, you will figure it out.
11. You hear about blow-outs and think it won't happen to you...it will.
12. You will always have a blow-out when you forget to pack a change of clothes.
13. In church, the baby will always start talking when it is time for the sermon.

These are definitely not all, but they are some of my favorites! Motherhood is the most amazing experience!

Just add mom to the list...

I am a mom now; that is my number one priority. However, I am still Sam...the person who loves to be busy and wants to be involved and feels better when she has her hand in at least a couple of projects. Right now, I am struggling with trying to be both. Last night I went to my first Junior League meeting, and I am really excited to join, but the second it went over the time I had allotted for it in my head, I almost had a panic attack. I couldn't stop thinking about Parker and how I was going to miss feeding him before he went to bed. I felt terrible because my friend drove and had to leave right away after so that I could get home. I just don't want to miss anything or any time with Parker, but I also want to be more than just mom.

I have always known that when I had kids I wanted them to feel like the most important part of my life, but that I also wanted to continue to be involved in various activities. Not only to set an example, but also to show them that I am a whole person. I had no idea how hard this was going to be. This week I have a meeting every night and have gone into a bit of a panic mode every time someone mentions any extra time that cuts into Parker time. I don't know how to balance this. It probably doesn't help that I have been to DC for three days every two weeks for the last month and a half and will continue until the end of May. I just don't want to miss anything and am learning that is not always possible. Everyone says it will get better and I know it will, but I just hope that starts soon!

Do mommies get sick days?

I feel like crap. Headache, body ache, earache, sore throat, runny nose....you get the picture. I can't seem to kick this cold and now that I have Parker, there is no time to be sick. Work has been super busy too, so it is just bad timing. I guess I never thought about what my mom did when she was sick; silly me just assumed moms didn't get sick, ha! Before, I would make it through the day and go to bed early when I got home. Not so much now. Now, I have to pick up Parker, let Piper out, make dinner, change Parker, feed Parker, eat, bathe Parker, feed Parker, get everything ready for tomorrow, sleep. Sprinkled in there is a little cleaning and reading for the Koch program. Normally, Brady is a giant help with everything, but this week he has been working until 9 or 9:30 so he doesn't get home in time to help with a whole lot. Not to mention, he is exhausted--that makes two of us. So, I guess I will just keep taking my tylenol AM to get through the day (too afraid to take the PM at night, what if I don't hear him cry!) and hope for the best tomorrow!

Parker goes to Washington...

Our first major travel undertaking with a little one has now come and gone. A week before Christmas Brady, Parker, Brady's parents and I went to Washington D.C. My company party was there and my company was paying for an extra night in a hotel. We decided that this would be the perfect time to try our first family vacation. Brady's mom found out we were going and said she would come along and watch Parker during my Christmas party so it worked out perfectly!

We left our house for the airport at around 4:45 on Wednesday morning. We woke up late so this meant that Parker was screaming in the backseat while I pumped in the front (yes, this is something we do often; if you don't have a car adapter for your pump, get one, it is the ultimate tool for multitasking!) Then, we get to the airport and the parking ticket master is not working so Brady is getting super frustrated and I am trying to convince him to drop us off by the door--he didn't listen. By the time we finally parked--in the farthest spot possible--I am being a super B by making comments about how cold it is and how much easier it would have been had he dropped us off closer. It is amazing he still talks to me sometimes. After finally figuring out how to check the car seat, leaving the boarding passes at the counter, getting super-checked by security and barely making it to the gate on time, we were on our way! Parker did so good on the plane! Our doctor told us to feed him on the way up and down, but we were only able to feed him on the way up. So far Parker is the only one in our family who won't eat when he's not hungry:) I recommend bringing a plug for the landing or descent; whichever you can't feed during. The hardest part was just getting the stroller out after every flight and carrying our luggage with Parker everywhere.

We got there early enough on Wednesday night to have dinner and see the tree in front of the capital. It was beautiful, but I was kind of disappointed by the lack of decorations in DC. I know that everything has to be politically correct now, but you can't help but wonder if we have all gone overboard. Brady and his family took Parker sightseeing while I was working on Thursday and he loved the aquarium. "Parker" is in lots of pictures but his trust in us will be tested when he is older and all he sees is a stroller in every picture...."sure, Parker, you were in there...."



On the day we left, the forecast was calling for a huge snowstorm (they were right). Luckily, our flight was earlier in the day and we were able to get out of there before it started. We were not the only ones trying to get out of there. The metro was packed and we got our share of dirty looks. We were definitely those people with a stroller and five suitcases standing in the entry. I have never been so glad to finally get to the airport.

We finally got home around 11 that night. Parker was pooped and his first real vacation was over!

Is that a tissue coming out of your bra...?

Haha, I am laughing at myself right now because you just never know when you are going to become that mom. You know, the one who has baby spit up on her clothes, leaky breasts and wait for it...breast pads coming out of her sports bra--not kidding!
Running again has been a challenge. Not necessarily because I am out of shape, but because it is hard to find time when Parker is even half an hour off schedule. I did have him on the best schedule...go to sleep at 11, wake him up at 5 to eat, at the gym by 6. Then this week hit and we have been totally off. So on Monday, I was so proud of myself because I had been up since 3:30 and had gotten so much accomplished. Parker was fed, bathroom clean, laundry done. So when I went to the gym at 5:30, I was having pretty much the best "mom" day ever. That was until around mile 2 when I looked down and my breast pad was coming out the top of my v-neck shirt. It wasn't just sticking out a little, it was all the way out with just a corner still inside my shirt. Worse than that, I had run out of actual breast pads so had been cutting maxi-pads into thirds. The paper on the back of the pad was unmistakable. So, I did what any woman would do...I grabbed my maxi-pad, made room in my shirt and then pretty much grabbed my boob in front of all my early morning work out buddies!

Breakdown

It finally happened. I had been so strong and had only cried once-for just a second-since leaving Parker to go back to work, today everything changed.
I have to begin by telling you how blessed I have been. For the first two weeks after returning to work I was able to take Parker with me. It was wonderful to be with him all day, but very hard to get work done! Then, last week, Brady's mom stayed with us and watched him. This was still ok because I was able to come home and feed him during lunch. For the next three weeks, my grandma is in town from Arizona and is watching him at my parents' house. I am just so lucky that I don't have to take him to daycare until January!
This morning I was dropping Parker off with my grandma and she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Apparently that question hit a nerve and I just started sobbing. I don't know if it was a combination of not being able to fit into anything I want to ask for yet and leaving Parker, or just the fact that I just suddenly felt overwhelmed.
Sadly, I am started to tear up just writing this down. Being a mom is the best thing ever, but sometimes it is all just a bit overwhelming. I always heard people talk about balancing work and family, but until now, I just didn't realize how hard it would be. I am constantly feeling like I am not doing anything great. When I drop Parker off I am wishing I could just stay home so I don't miss out on anything, but also really wanting to go to work. When I am at work, I am feeling like I can't get anything done because I am thinking about what he is doing and if he misses me. I don't think anyone can prepare you for what you feel and how hard this can be. I guess you just learn to do the best you can when you can.

Oh my goodness... I'm a Mom!!

So...ten months ago, I found out I was pregnant. The title of this blog tells it all; I was completely shocked. I couldn't believe that we had waited so long and then were pregnant within six months of marriage. Boy...God must have a sense of humor! Since that time, I have felt every emotion in the book: fear, joy, excitement, even anger (just ask my husband...I think even my emotions had emotions!)
Finally, about two months ago, I felt nothing but calm. I was so ready for the bug to get here!! I am still amazed at how detailed God was when he created us. I realize I needed nine months to prepare not only physically, but emotionally. I needed to get to a point where I understood this was God's plan, not mine; that He knows much better than I do. Being a mom is the most wonderful experience I have ever had--believe me, I feel as corny writing it as you do reading it, but it is true!

Before I tell you how the bug was born, you have to know that I have always believed that I would not be able to deliver naturally. My mom had to have c-sections and I have just always had this feeling that I would also; in fact, she never even went into labor. So, on September 3oth, Brady and I went to my doctor's appointment with the goal of getting him to induce me that weekend. We didn't think he would, but we figured it was worth a try because my brother was coming into town and I wanted him to be able to see the bug before he left. When we got there, I found out I had a pupps rash on my stomach--it itched, but I couldn't see below my belly button so I had no idea! This is a rash that is basically your body being allergic to being pregnant and it doesn't go away until you deliver. Because it was making me miserable, he let us use it as an excuse to induce--yay!! I have never been so thankful for my sensitive skin!

The next day, we were both so excited!! Brady took me to Sumos (my favorite) before we checked into the hospital at 7pm. They gave me a pill to get my body ready for contractions and then let me sleep; poor Brady, they gave me a sleeping pill and he had to sleep on a plastic recliner. At around 3 AM, hard contractions started. Brady held my hand the entire time. The contractions kept getting harder and harder, but I was not really dilating. They were two minutes apart around 10 AM and I asked for an epidural. I felt like such a pansy...I thought I would be able to make it longer without it, and had to have the anesthesiologist and Brady convince me that I was not a bad person for getting it. Ridiculous, I know. I can't lie, that epidural was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Around 1:00, I still was not dilating so they broke my water. They thought this would help move me along, but instead I started getting really sick around 3:00. I was running a fever around 104 and felt like I had the worst case of the flu I have ever had. The nurses kept telling us that this wasn't normal and we started to get scared. My family and Brady's mom were in the hospital room with us and everyone was just so quiet. Finally around 5:00, my doctor came in and decided he wanted to get the baby out quickly. One of the other doctors went over the risks of c-sections; I was scared. I knew that a c-section was not a big deal, but when they are telling you they are worried about the baby's health and that the c-section has a risk of death for you or the baby, you start to worry. Finally we were in the operating room and I just kept praying for the bug over and over again. Brady held my hand until we held our breath until we heard the doctor say..."it's a BOY"!! I have never loved my husband more than I did at that point. It was such a miracle. Once I heard him cry, I knew that my life would be forever better.

Parker E Alexander is the most precious miracle. Brady and I are constantly in awe of him. Things have definitely changed (more stories on this), but for the better. I am so blessed to have them both in my life!

Where do I start...

I am more confused and scared now than ever. Brady and I had our first reality check this weekend...we registered. Oh my goodness, I cannot even tell you how overwhelming this experience was. It finally started to hit us that yes, we are going to need all--or at least some--of this stuff and we don't even know how to use it.

Our first endeavor was registering for a breast pump (if you could see me writing this, you would know that I giggle every time I say breast pump--real mature). There are about a thousand different kinds of breast pumps out there. You can get a single or a double, an electric or manual and then you have to choose among all of the brands available. Not only do you have so many to choose from, but the prices range from $50 to $400! Yes, I said $400 for a suction cup that sucks milk out of your boob, crazy!!! Now, I am actually one of the most frugal people you'll meet and I hate spending money, especially on a suction cup, but I am a little nervous that cheaper means more pain and more time spent locked in a bathroom during work. So, before we went, I did ask a couple of friends for recommendations; they of course all said the Medela double pump electric, aka $300, great! So, we get to Baby's R Us and Brady convinced me to register for the more expensive one (don't ask him about it because I don't know if he can even hear "breast pump" without blushing). He would die if I told you that it was his idea to go ahead and register for the breast cream and pads too...oops!

So after our adventure in the breast pump aisle we continued around the store picking out random things that either we thought we needed or the registry sheet told us we needed. Here are the highlights: 20 bottles (all different brands, sizes, colors), 6 crib sheets, 18 burping clothes, 6 snack cups (I can't lie, I am actually excited to use them for my own stash of cheerios I carry), 40 tiny little hangers, 2 strollers (getting a jogging stroller was secretly what kept me going after I first found out I was pregnant, I cannot wait to go back and get it), and two daddy bibs (Brady did this when he had the gun; one says, "my dad is cooler than your dad" and the other says, "if you think I'm cute, you should see my dad." I'm not going to lie, watching Brady register for these did make me think that my baby's daddy is pretty darn cute!) We also bought a crib while we were there. I was super excited because it is the one I wanted, but it had gone out of stock online. We got the last display model and even got a discount, wahoo!! Good thing we got a discount because the mattress ended up costing $40 more than the crib, seriously, the bug has a nice mattress than we do. We are just lucky that my parents offered to buy the crib and mattress...thanks mom and dad!

The funny thing is, that we did not even put a drop in the bucket of things that we need. I have no idea how to use most of this stuff and I really have no idea where we are going to put everything! Babies need so much stuff it is ridiculous! We are so lucky that Brady's cousin is letting us borrow a few of the bigger baby toys and the infant car seat. I am all about garage sales and borrowing right now!

All of this shopping and preparing is making me nervous. First, you buy all of this stuff and you get the nursery just right so you feel like you are ready. All of a sudden, WHAM, you have to actually bring the baby home and take care of it. You have this little person who is counting on you to survive and turn in to a decent human being, whoa, scary. We are just so blessed that we have such a great family and group of friends that can help us make sure the bug turns out ok!!