My New Role

Friday was my last day at work. I am officially a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow morning, if I choose, I do not have to set my alarm for 4:30 AM (oh my goodness, just typing that makes me so excited!) I do not have to worry about how much time I will get to spend with him. I am so blessed.

I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. And although I knew this was something I have always wanted, I had no idea how profoundly it would change the way I feel, act and think. Every decision I make is now for Parker; how it will affect his well-being, growth and development. Before I discovered I was pregnant, I always believed that I would be a working mom. Brady and I both grew up with working mothers and have complete respect for how they raised us and the sacrifices they made. I really feel like I am the person I am because my mom worked.

When I had Parker and had to go back to work, I told myself that I was a better mother to Parker because I was able to feel fulfilled in my career and my personal life. It was hard...so hard. I often felt like I was not able to do anything really well because I was being torn into a million different directions. My days were extremely rushed, and by the time I picked up Parker after work and got home, I barely had an hour to fix dinner, feed and bathe Parker and read him a story before bed. I was constantly juggling evening meetings and work times to make sure that I was still spending more time with Parker than a babysitter. Despite this, I still felt like I was able to juggle everything and hadn't really thought about staying home... until England.

When we first found out about England, we were told that I couldn't work. There was something comforting about the word "can't". It was easier to deal with the thought of having Brady be the sole provider if I "couldn't" work. Then, we found out that I could. We still knew that I wouldn't work. Mainly because it just doesn't make sense financially (daycare is even more expensive than here!) More importantly, I was so, so, so excited at the thought of spending time with the little Bug. I feel like Brady has given me a gift that I can never, ever repay. However, I am struggling with the thought of not contributing financially. I know that my job with Parker all day is going to be the hardest job I have ever had, but it will just be an adjustment for the whole family.

I am also struggling with the thought of giving up my career. I have worked hard to complete both my Bachelor and Master degrees and now I am petrified at the thought of not having a career for the next five years. I have been at the Boys & Girls Club for almost two years and have loved it. I love the kids, I love the people I work with and I love the job. I am scared that I won't be able to find something I love this much when we get back, but I know that this a sacrifice that is well worth it if I can spend more time with Parker.

Whenever I start to feel stressed about all of the changes happening in our lives, all I have to do is think of this face! I just love him!!