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I am 27 years old and am blessed to have my husband Brady, as my partner and best friend. We have two children, Parker and Piper, our little yorkie. We are constantly amazed by the joy they bring into our lives and can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!
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Sunday, May 15, 2011

My New Role

Friday was my last day at work. I am officially a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow morning, if I choose, I do not have to set my alarm for 4:30 AM (oh my goodness, just typing that makes me so excited!) I do not have to worry about how much time I will get to spend with him. I am so blessed.

I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. And although I knew this was something I have always wanted, I had no idea how profoundly it would change the way I feel, act and think. Every decision I make is now for Parker; how it will affect his well-being, growth and development. Before I discovered I was pregnant, I always believed that I would be a working mom. Brady and I both grew up with working mothers and have complete respect for how they raised us and the sacrifices they made. I really feel like I am the person I am because my mom worked.

When I had Parker and had to go back to work, I told myself that I was a better mother to Parker because I was able to feel fulfilled in my career and my personal life. It was hard...so hard. I often felt like I was not able to do anything really well because I was being torn into a million different directions. My days were extremely rushed, and by the time I picked up Parker after work and got home, I barely had an hour to fix dinner, feed and bathe Parker and read him a story before bed. I was constantly juggling evening meetings and work times to make sure that I was still spending more time with Parker than a babysitter. Despite this, I still felt like I was able to juggle everything and hadn't really thought about staying home... until England.

When we first found out about England, we were told that I couldn't work. There was something comforting about the word "can't". It was easier to deal with the thought of having Brady be the sole provider if I "couldn't" work. Then, we found out that I could. We still knew that I wouldn't work. Mainly because it just doesn't make sense financially (daycare is even more expensive than here!) More importantly, I was so, so, so excited at the thought of spending time with the little Bug. I feel like Brady has given me a gift that I can never, ever repay. However, I am struggling with the thought of not contributing financially. I know that my job with Parker all day is going to be the hardest job I have ever had, but it will just be an adjustment for the whole family.

I am also struggling with the thought of giving up my career. I have worked hard to complete both my Bachelor and Master degrees and now I am petrified at the thought of not having a career for the next five years. I have been at the Boys & Girls Club for almost two years and have loved it. I love the kids, I love the people I work with and I love the job. I am scared that I won't be able to find something I love this much when we get back, but I know that this a sacrifice that is well worth it if I can spend more time with Parker.

Whenever I start to feel stressed about all of the changes happening in our lives, all I have to do is think of this face! I just love him!!


Rachel said...

We'll have to share tips on how to stay busy at home! I loved reading your last update--Finn and Parker are so similar!

Karly said...

I've been in your shoes. Ten plus years later and I'm excited and ready to be heading back to work once we leave the UK. I wouldn't change that time with my kiddos for anything!

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