Daycare dilemma solved

I always knew that I would go back to work after having kids, but when I actually got pregnant, I realized that I kind of wanted to stay home for a year or so. This however, is not an option. Because we were not planning on kids right now, and because I am in the middle of interviewing for a new job, I am definitely going back to work. This brought on so many new emotions about leaving my child with someone else. It is so scary to think that just six weeks after giving birth I am going to leave my baby for someone else to take care of. How do I trust this person? How do I know my baby will be safe? Oh my goodness so many things to think about!

After coming t the realization that I really did have to start looking, I called every preschool I could think of and asked for referrals. I also asked anyone I know who had kids. One by one I called every place and one by one, they all told me they were full in the fall. Apparently, everyone and their dog is having a baby this fall!! Next I called one of those chain day care facilities (definitely in a time of desperation). Not only was I apprehensive about sending my child there, but they were $100 more per weeks than the home daycare providers. Holy cow! I am in the wrong profession!

Feeling somewhat stressed, I talked to a friend of mine who lives in my home town, a suburb of the city I live in. She has a wonderful provider who is also very reasonable, and guess what?!? She is now saving "the bug" a spot, yippee!!!

Last night I kissed James Van Der Beek!

Oh my goodness, I know it sounds crazy but it is true. Last night I was in a play with my friend, Rory Gilmore and one scene required me to kiss James Van Der Beek! Ok, ok, so it might not be entirely true. If you picked up on Rory from the Gilmore girls, you probably realized that it was a dream. Dang it!

These crazy dreams are keeping me up at night and making me question my sanity. For example, the night before last, I was forced to be weighed, with one foot backwards, wearing a bottom showing hospital gown, in front of a waiting room filled with my high school class, AHHH! I woke up in a cold sweat not only from embarrassment, but also because I had gotten into a high-school argument with my best friend! The night before that I solved a murder; yep, and honest to God dead person was at my feet and I got to figure out who dun'it!

I know you must be thinking that I am crazy (and your not alone), but everything I have read says that this is normal. Ok, so maybe my overactive imagination pushes it to the brink of normal, but close enough. I think I might use this to get the rest of my friend to get pregnant; kiss celebrities and create your own tv drama every night, wahoo!

Hello Chubby!

So, I'm mad. My husband would say that is my new favorite phrase because anytime something doesn't go my way (which seems to be more often lately), I simply say, "I'm mad." Most recently, I am mad that I am fat. Last week, my father-in-law so eloquently stated that I was "pooching out"! Oh, and I was mad. I tried to pretend that I was kidding, but I didn't do a very good job. However, his comment did make me take a long, critical look in the mirror, and I'm not going to lie...I did not like what I saw.

I'm fat. I'm fat and I'm mad because I don't look pregnant, I just look chubby. I know that I am being slightly obsessive, but no one tells you about this phase you go through where you don't look pregnant, but you do have this extra weight around your middle. I don' t know if I was thinking that I would miraculously wake up one morning and have a cute little baby bump, well, it doesn't work that way. Also, and I know this is partly hormones, but I feel like everyone is staring at me. It makes me want to wear a sign around my neck that says "yes I'm fat, but I'm pregnant".

Last weekend we were going to a wedding and all of the dresses I wanted to wear were fitted around the middle. So of course, all I could think about was people staring at me and thinking that I was chubby. This was still at a point where no one at the wedding knew so I made my husband tell his friends that night so they wouldn't just think I was fat. I am crazy, and I know this, so it is ok!

So anyway, just so you know I am fat, but it is ok, because I'm pregnant!