I feel like I have been neglecting this blog lately...I think it is partly because I have had the virus that never ends and just haven't been on my computer as often, but mainly it is because I am afraid that what I actually want to say is just too much information...well, here is a warning...TMI to follow...
Is it too much to say that I have been completely consumed with the thought of having a baby? That I pray every night that God will just send us a wonderful surprise like he did with Parker because if we continue to try to plan P will be 18 before we have another?
Is it too much to say that I really want to have a baby over here so that our second child isn't completely left out of this part of our lives, but that I am also scared to have one here...that the thought of having a baby without our family and friends around makes me sick to my stomach...that I really wanted to try to have my second child naturally, but my doctor from home said he wouldn't feel comfortable with me attempting that over here because of the risk of my uterus rupturing (ha, yeah, that is probably too much information)?
Is it too much to say that I have at least one panic attack daily about the thought of P starting school in two weeks? That I know he needs this, but I am going to miss him like crazy...that I am terrified of not finding something worthwhile to fill my time three mornings a week...that Brady will look at me differently because I am not working and Parker is in school? That I won't feel like I am contributing enough?
Is it too much to say that I sometimes feel left out when we miss out on things going on back home...that I hate that we aren't there to share in our friends joys and milestones...that seeing people moving on in their careers makes me worry about what I am gong to do when we move back?
Does it make me sound crazy to say that despite all of these worries, I am so, so thankful for this opportunity...that I feel so blessed that I can stay home with Parker...that I am one lucky mommy and wife...okay, so maybe not crazy...hormonal...ha, just kidding!