I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

About Me

My Photo
I am 27 years old and am blessed to have my husband Brady, as my partner and best friend. We have two children, Parker and Piper, our little yorkie. We are constantly amazed by the joy they bring into our lives and can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!
View my complete profile

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I love my husband.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't write enough (or for that matter tell him enough) how amazing he is, both as a father and a husband.  I knew from the moment I met him that I was meant to be with him, but it took me a year and a half to admit it to myself.  He is everything I ever thought I wanted and everything I didn't realize I needed.  I even had a list, and yes, he met every requirement.   I knew that we could handle any obstacle that came our way and would turn to each other when we were troubled.  What I didn't realize was that moving here would challenge who I thought I was, and in turn make me make him crazy, just kidding, kind of...:).   I am just so thankful for him.

Moving here has made me question who I am, what I contribute and even what I deserve.   Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE staying home with Parker and positively cherish the time I get to spend with him.  However, I didn't realize that staying home would make me question every dollar I spend, and wonder whether I can actually buy anything for myself.  I am ridiculously cheap...to a fault.  This combined with the fact that I am no longer actually bringing in money has made me question even the smallest purchases.  Last week I found myself putting a shirt back for Parker so that I could show Brady first.  I didn't realize how much my independence had suffered.  Brady has been my biggest supporter and constantly reminds me that I am contributing in a huge way.  I am still struggling, but I would be even crazier if he wasn't so supportive.

I also didn't realize that I would feel both jealous and guilty watching him go to work every morning.  Sometimes I long for the companionship of co-workers, even though I know I would be thinking of Parker every minute I was gone.  Other times I feel so guilty that he has to go to work and I get to stay home with P.  I also didn't realize that I would feel guilty if I didn't get enough done around the house in a day, but equally as guilty if I got everything done but felt like I let P watch too much tv or play on his own too much.  I am so grateful for the chance to stay home with our son.  I know that I can never get this time back and while I am struggling to find a balance between being a good wife, mother and well, woman, at least I know Brady is by my side.  He is my rock and I am so blessed to have him.


Rachel said...

GREAT post. I totally hear you! It's a struggle to feel like you are pulling your weight at home but still have part of you jealous of not having a job... It's such a tough balance.

Karen said...

And it doesn't go away in the later years. When I retired, I began to feel the same tug. . . and I didn't have kids at home; just dogs. I love having free time . . . and feel guilty having free time. The flip side is we have reclaimed our weekends . . . Don doesn't have to do laundry, go to the store, pay the bills (though he never did that anyway!), clean house. So I am looking at my contributions in a different way - just not financially. And for Parker . . . well, it is the best thing that could happen to him!

Lindsey E. said...

You are such a great mom!! I hear from a lot of my friends that those feelings are completely normal and take time to sort out. You will get there. :)

Jamie said...

You are amazing and wonderful and the best wife & mom in all the world! And so pretty too!

Love you. :)

Post a Comment